This has been on my mind for quite sometime now.
Actually, I think about it every time we're in public.
My poor husband, I always end up venting my
frustration on the way home.
Yesterday, I had had enough. I shut my mouth
about it and declared "I'm just going to blog about it".
It never fails! EVERY time we're in public,
strangers need to share their opinion:
"What beautiful children you have"
"Wow, you're children are so well behaved"
"I had 3 (or 4) myself. Let me tell you my life story"
(ok, they're usually not upfront that they're about
to take the next 10 minutes to tell you about each
and every pregnancy and labor they had).
And my least favorite of all....
"You really have your hands full, huh?"
That last one is the hardest for me,
as my response leaves teeth marks in my tongue, EVERY time!
I usually just smile, but what I'd love to say.....
"yes, I do, are you offering to help"
because sometimes, they say it as I'm obviously in a struggle
to herd them to the car, bathroom, etc.
And then there are other times, when I can tell just
from their tone, that they don't think I should have so many.....
these same people, I can tell, make a mental note of
how well behaved my children are.
Those teeth marks keep me from saying
"They're all a blessing. We hadn't planned any of them.
We tried our hardest to not have anymore, but God
had other plans. And we don't dread all of them,
even on tough days. We are really so grateful
for each and every one of them. Not every one has
babies til they finally have the other gender, then stops."
Actually, though, these strangers are my FAVORITE
of all opinionated, I don't think you have anything
better to do than listen to me, kind of strangers!
There are other kinds of opinionated strangers.
Let me emphasize this..... they are STRANGERS!
These are the people, who for the most part I'm sure,
are sweet, loving, people who just adore children....
especially my well behaved, beautiful, children, lol!
Unfortunately, these strangers don't seem to have ANY
interest in me, my husband, or our need to teach our little
ones about stranger danger!
THESE strangers don't talk to Mom and Dad, they
just strike up conversation with our children.
I answer on their behalf, and occasionally,
I'll give my children a smile and a nod that it's ok
to respond to them. There are times that
I physically put myself between these strangers
and my children. I follow my gut!
This "mama instinct" is not something my
children have, or could even be taught.
Because my children don't respond to these
"friendly" strangers, instead, they look at me for
a cue; some strangers think my well behaved
kiddos are rude!
Sorry, but you ARE a stranger!
Yes, you're friendly! Sure, you could
be the most holy of saints in all of Craven County.
But you ARE a stranger!
Someone who might try to harm my children
will be just as friendly as you are right now.
And if I allow my children to carry on conversation
with strangers when I'm present, how will
they respond when I run in to use the restroom
while they are outside playing?
So, you might think my well behaved, beautiful
children are being rude, but they're learning.
They're learning that unless Mom or Dad is there
to tell them it's ok to respond, they need to not say
a word! They need to stay away!
So, stranger, please don't roll your eyes if
you are nothing but friendly, and I have to remind
my 3 year old that you are still a stranger and he
needs to wait for me to give the ok before chatting
with you!
Oh, and while I'm venting..... Please, DO NOT
tell me how gorgeous my 5 year old girl is, above
all the rest. I only ever hear this from males and it
does nothing but creep me out. This will not
make me want to chat with you....
and one more thing! Do NOT introduce
yourself to my children as "granny".
They have a Grandma and a Mimi, both live in Ohio.
It's hard enough to explain our family structure
living so far away from them, don't complicate things!
Ki, really, she is not your granny. I know she said
that, but she is not! She's just a nice old lady
who probably likes all kids to call her that. But
she is a stranger and we will probably not ever see her again.
3 comments:
Alexi, I understand your frustration, but you do have a beautiful family!!! It's a compliment to their creators, (yourself, your husband, and God). Now for a brief story on the comments about their behavior. I work in a restaurant and you would be amazed at the way that people let their children behave!!! I have seen children draw on the walls (as the parents watch), throw food, smack their parents because they didn't get their way, and scream at the top of their lungs until their parents give in. It is so rare to see children use their manners and behave in public situations where most kids would not or were not taught how. I often comment to parents about how well behaved their children are. Although it may annoy you, take it as a compliment. You are doing a WONDERFUL job raising your children, which is something that seems to not matter to most parents in this country. People who clock in at a traditional job everyday get some sort of recognition for a job well done. Those comments about how wonderful your children are is your recognition for a job well done. You are raisig your children right!! Be proud!! And when someone makes a comment about the "handful" that you have, tell them what is on your mind. Tell them that they are all blessings. What you said in your blog is neither rude or a lie. It is the heartfelt truth!! Don't be afraid to proclaim how thankful you are for your blessings and share your faith in God's plan for you and your family. If a STRANGER can intrude into your personal life, why can't you intrude into thier spirtual one?? As I've told you before, you are such an inspiration to me. The way you are with your children, your faith, and yourself is so amazing. Be thankful for what God has given you and let others know how thankful you are too!! If they only knew half of what you have been through with your babies, they would not be so quick to judge and realize what a blessing each one has truly been. I hope this gives you a defferent perspective. I also hope that you tell the next STRANGER what is on your mind about the 4 blessings you have.
All I can say is I agree! Especially about the "you have your hands full" comment...I cannot leave my house without hearing that one.
Alexi,
You are so right on daughter! These days you have to be careful! You go.
If I make a comment, I might say to a child, "You are such a good son/daughter to help your Mom while she is shopping," and leave it at that. They know their kids are beautiful. Don't paint yourself as a possible perve. I have never received anything but positive responses when I say things like "When you do nice things for your Mom, you show people how much you love her." The Moms look at me and ALWAYS smile with a thank you so much or you are so kind.
You are a great Mother! Go with your gut!
I love you,
Dad
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